So I've never blogged before

Undoubtedly there are rules that I'm not aware of. So bare with me here. It has been 9 hrs since my last drink (this time). I have made it 23 days sober in the last year...then 8 days, 9 days, 2 weeks ect ect. The simply fact is that I keep falling back into drinking. I like beer, I like wine, I love vodka to an unhealthy extent. Stressed? Have a drink. Bored? Have a drink. Long day? Have a drink. No one but my husband would guess that I have a problem. I mainly drink at home. And mainly at night. I work full time running our business, I have 3 amazing kids, I am married to a man who loves me unconditionally.. and yet I can seem to cut alcohol out of my life. Why? Why must it call to me. Why does it have to be everywhere? Why is it so hard to say "no" and not instantly regret it? Why must my soul seek the numbness it provides? I just don't know anymore. I'm hoping blogging will help me get and stay sober.